Okaeri
by ajremix
Summary: Sequel to Yuki no Hana. Shin and Touma stumble their way past mistakes, fear and sadness, trying to understand the other and themselves. Touma/Shin


Yes, I finally got around to writing a sequel. I hope this is better for all you people that are just dying to see Shin and Touma get together because a lot of people don't write them as a couple which is very sad 'cause I love 'em. Anyway, these people don't belong to me and you should know by now that this is shonen ai. BTW, 'okaeri' means welcome home which you will find reference to throughout the fic. Enjoy! Err, wait. I should warn you that this is written in a different style than the first because the book I'm currently reading has a bit. well, cruder-to say the least-style. None of that early 20th century, flowery stuff so be prepared and all.  
  
Okaeri  
  
Lady Virgo  
  
  
  
"Yo, man. You sure you can't stick around for the game? I mean we really need ya out there."  
  
"I'm sure. I'd like to but I have to get everything ready. Hand me that stack of shirts, please."  
  
Three shirts were tossed in his general direction. The second young man frowned and folded them back up, glaring at his companion.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
"Sure, no prob." The first cupped a hand under his chin. "If you're only going back for vacation, then why are you packing up all your stuff?"  
  
He paused once more in his packing; eyes focused on the half-filled suitcase. With a wide, somewhat forced smile and good cheer he continued again. "Oh, just in case my friends manage to talk me into staying back there. Nothing big, I wouldn't really be surprised if I came back so don't worry. I'm only doing this so you wouldn't have to for me. I don't want to bother you."  
  
With a rueful, knowing smile the other shook his head. "Sure, whatever. You just enjoy putting all your crap in boxes every once in a while, right? Gotta make sure your ready for the real thing, just in case you ever have to get everything packed in three minutes."  
  
"C'mon now." His serious face was broken by a grin. "It helps with bagging." He waved a sock at his friend. "That's why you got fired, ya know."  
  
"Jeez, alright! I admit I didn't know how to bag groceries, okay? Can we drop it now?" With a mock frown he looked away and said in a stage grumble, "Put the eggs at the bottom of the bag and ain't no one that'll let you live it down."  
  
His thoughts were interrupted by the clicking of locks. "Done packing already?" The dark haired boy nodded slightly, looking out the window at the campus spreading from underneath them. The other frowned, eyes soft at his friend. "You know, everyone's gonna miss ya. Especially the girls. and guys."  
  
The second boy made a sound somewhere between a snort and a chuckle.  
  
"I'm serious this time, really." He stood, placing his hands on the other's slender shoulders. "It's been great knowing you. I'll miss you, the crew'll miss you, the team'll DEFINITLY miss you. Hell, April Fools will never be the same again."  
  
"Oh come on. Why're you getting like this on me? It's not like I'm gonna be going forever, this isn't the first time I've done this."  
  
"I know. But you've never been back there before. I ain't all that sharp-"  
  
"Like a marble."  
  
"*ahem* But I can tell these sorts of things. And I know you're not coming back." His hand fell back to his side as the two stood in an uncomfortable silence. "So, uh, you need a lift to the airport tomorrow?"  
  
"No, I'll be fine. I don't-"  
  
"Want to be a bother, yes I know." He smiled, though somewhat sadly. "For three years your selflessness is probably the only thing about you that's never changed and I doubt ever will." His smile turned into a smirk. "Blue boy." He chuckled and patted the other's head. "Of course we can't call you that anymore, but still."  
  
"Don't worry about it 'Pasty', we all have nicknames we don't live up to anymore." He poked his richly tanned friend in the waist. "Give my best to the guys, tell them that I'm sorry I can't help them get into the finals."  
  
"Don't sweat it. March comes every year. We'll just have to find us a new forward is all." He leaned against the windowsill and they were silent once more. As that silence stretched Touma decided to move his suitcase closer to the door. "Hey, Touma."  
  
"Yo." He turned back around, his roommate still unmoved, leaning up against and looking out the window.  
  
"If I ever learn Japanese." he paused and continued in a quiet voice he never used with anyone. "Do you think it would be cool if I popped off for a visit or something?"  
  
"Yeah." He nodded though the other couldn't see it. "I'd like that. Maybe I'll see you around, Dee."  
  
"Maybe."  
  
Seiji looked through the paper, now thoroughly irritated and running out of what many would think an infinite well of patience. However his friends knew different. And that's probably why a certain friend was taking so long to meet back up with him.  
  
Calm down, Seiji. It's not like Touma can control his flight. It's not his fault there's a storm, he can't control the weather. His lips twisted in a half-frown, half-smile. He should have just armored up and flew over here.   
  
The PA system announced the arrival of another plane and Seiji stood with a mass of other people, trying to find their familiar faces. Seiji wrinkled his nose at the large crowd. He wasn't much for such a massive amount of people in the same cramped area. He wondered how someone could stand sitting in a small chair, elbow to elbow with complete strangers for around sixteen hours straight. If there was one thing Seiji valued it's his personal space and solitude. Of course, if there's a certain tiger eyed person about solitude can seem somewhat confining at times.  
  
The peopled thinned out somewhat and his brow creased slightly. Touma doko wa? He stood on his toes in order to peer over people's heads to find the blue haired boy. A practically endless stream of flyers the stream slowly trickled down until the last person hurried from the plane and the door slide closed. In surprise, Seiji blinked in a non- comprehensive way. Okay. wasn't Touma suppose to be on that flight?  
  
He stayed in the area for ten minutes more, in case the trickster had somehow thought it would be funny to suddenly pop up out of no where and try to blame Seiji for trying to leave him behind. Hahaha, oh yes, just a barrel of laughs watching said trickster running after his ride.  
  
He sighed and shrugged, making his way to the pay phones hoping Touma left a message saying he would catch a later flight. Seiji hooked the phone over his shoulder as he deposited the correct amount of coinage and dialed for his machine. His indigo eyes flowed over the faces of the commuting people, in case he missed his friend. With a sigh he turned his attention back to the receiver at his ear.  
  
".So if you would be so kind as to leave your name, number and business I will get back to you as soon as I can. *beep*"  
  
"Moshi moshi? Mou, Seiji-kun, how come you're never home? Well, in case you actually do get around to calling back do so. I lost our assignment sheet and you know how Mizuumi-sensei is about us not doing our work. Tell me what I project is, please? I really, really, REALLY gotta pass this class, man! You know my number, ja!"  
  
"Seiji? It's Okasan again! Just wanted to tell you that we received your gifts, they're all very lovely. Oh, and Reiko and Youko says hi! Love you, call back soon."  
  
"Oi, Seiji, how's college on your end? (A haggard Nasuti yelling in the background) Che, hai, hai. Gomen, Seiji, gotta make this quick. Seeing as it's a long weekend, we wanted to know if you were coming back down for a while? Ryou really misses you! (This time it sounds like Ryou in the back) Ack, gomen! I'm just teasin', hey cut it out! (Sounds of struggling)  
  
"Sorry about that, Seiji, just ignore Xiu. Give us a call if you're going to come. Ja ne!"  
  
No other messages, how strange. Seiji's porcelain face creased in the makings of a frown. Where could that boy be? He rubbed his forehead and sighed. Oh well, looks like he's not coming today after all.  
  
Then again Seiji seemed to be forgetting that this was Hashiba Touma, bearer of Tenku, the man that loves making an entrance. A fact that was quickly relearned when the blonde saw the other lounging in the passenger seat of his Eclipse; knees propped up against the dashboard and some fast beat American music blaring in the stereo like nothing else. Now Seiji knew only a few things of America and its music but he knew that he'd hate this group, whatever they were.  
  
With his arms akimbo, Seiji tapped on the glass with a displeased look on his face. Touma look up and blinked, a wide grin slowly developing on his face as he rolled down the window. "Seiji! Hisashiburi, ne?"  
  
"Already I'm starting to think it hadn't been long enough." A thin eyebrow gracefully arched upward. "Mind telling me what you're doing here?" He paused. "And I see you neglected to dye your hair again."  
  
Touma pulled a fringe of black-once blue-hair in front of his face and crossed his eyes. "Yeah, well what can I say? Not a lot of NASA scientists have blue hair, not very conventional."  
  
Seiji crossed the car and slid into the driver's seat, sticking the keys in the ignition and slowly backed out of the parking lot. "So why are you here instead of on your flight like you should have been?" He eyed the radio for a second before taking Touma's choice of noise off and switching to a soft rock station.  
  
Touma pouted slightly but said nothing against it. "With the storm in Texas I would have missed my connection in Minneapolis. That would have taken another day to get here. So I switched my flight to go from Miami to California and, well, here I am."  
  
"So you are. Hey, could you reached behind you and grab the cell phone? I have to call the others."  
  
The other held the phone against his chest. "As long as you don't tell them about me! It's a surprise!"  
  
Seiji nodded. "Hai, hai. I know. That's why I'm the one picking you up and not Xiu or Ryou, ne?" He flipped the phone open and punched in a couple numbers. "Moshi moshi? Ah, Nasuti, genki desu? Hai, I'm heading over right now. Nani?" He paused as the phone was switched between people. "Hai, Jun, I'm brining you all a present right now. Honto." He winked at Touma who only settle back with a satisfied grin.  
  
"Tadaima!"  
  
"Oi, Seiji's back! Okaeri, Seiji-oniisan!" Jun, still his spunky self ran towards the front door to greet his elder. "So where's my present, huh? You promised to bring us presents!"  
  
Seiji laughed and patted the young adolescent on the head. "Hai, I did promise, didn't I? Well, you gather the others and wait in the dinning room. I bring it then."  
  
" 'It'? You only have one? I don't want to share my present with anyone." Jun said in half seriousness.  
  
"Ah, but this present is kind of hard to keep to yourself. Go on, I'll bring it in."  
  
With quick 'hai' the young boy swiveled around and bolted to get the other Troopers and Nasuti into the dinning room. Seiji stepped away from the door and Touma slid in with nary a sound.  
  
"Okay," he said to the dark haired boy in a low whisper, "they should be in the dinning room in a few minutes, try not to be seen by anyone."  
  
"Of course I won't!" Touma replied with a careless grin, which usually meant he was about to do something troublesome.  
  
"Touma."  
  
"No, I'm serious this time, I won't do anything extreme."  
  
"I still don't believe you, you know."  
  
With a brilliant smile he replied, "And for good reason you shouldn't."  
  
Shaking his pretty blonde head Seiji turned away. "Whatever. Let's go, the others should be there already."  
  
Well he was partially right, anyway. They were all sitting in various places in the room with the exception of one important person: Shin.  
  
Seiji frowned. This wasn't good, the auburn haired boy was one of the main reasons Touma came for a visit, even if the latter didn't say so, it was still obvious. "Shin doko wa?"  
  
Ryou shrugged, petting Byakuen's large white head absently. "Not sure. After he finished baking that blackberry pie he just went and disappeared. Why, does he absolutely have to be here?"  
  
His frown deepened. No, but it would have made Touma a lot happier to see him again. Blackberry pie? Shin always made that whenever Seiji came down from the university though no one really liked the taste of it. Not saying that Shin was bad at baking, goodness no, but the only reason why the pie slowly disappeared was because Xiu and Jun finished it out of politeness.  
  
"Oi, Seiji." The Chinese boy said somewhat gruffly, not very happy for being torn away from the baseball game and also the fact that his team was losing (which meant having to pay Ryou 10,000 yen) made him a bit surly. "So what's this present? It better be good, I have a game goin' on."  
  
"What, you wanna watch your money go bye-bye?" Ryou teased.  
  
"Teme!"  
  
Seiji cleared his throat and both men settled down, throwing glares at each other every once in a while. "Anyway," he stepped aside from the doorframe, "your present." there was a pause and Seiji realized that no one was behind him. He peered down the stretch of hall and Touma was no where to be seen. "Is not here.?" He suddenly had the great urge to punch something. Preferably a prank-loving-smirking-wearing so-in-so.  
  
"What is it? Did it leave?"  
  
"Don't tell me it's a dog or something. You know what Byakuen would do to it?"  
  
"Please don't say you got the cat a mate. It's hard enough with stripy as it is, we don't need to have mini-hims running around all over the place."  
  
"I thought Ryou got Byakuen neutered?"  
  
"Ittai! Are you insane? Think about how much that would hurt!"  
  
It was highly doubtful that Touma would go back outside and the only other place that was accessible by the main hall was the.  
  
Seiji slapped a hand over his eyes. "The kitchen." The others looked at him in curiosity. "He's in the kitchen." The group tromped into the kitchen and, sure enough, there was Touma sitting on the counter, munching contently on his third slice of pie.  
  
"Ohayo, minna!" He said, smiling around the fork protruding out of his mouth. "Plane food really sucks so I hope you don't mind my eating." He poked another piece into his mouth. "Mmm, gotta love blackberry. You sure Seiji didn't tell you I was coming?"  
  
Well, though it didn't go off quite the way anyone planned, Touma's appearance still retained its desired affect. Four chins (five if you count Byakuen's) dropped as the four people and one tiger gaped at Touma like he suddenly grew another head. In another second they all pounced on him with glee.  
  
"Touma! You're back! Okaeri!"  
  
However, five figures pouncing on one that's tilted precariously on a counter and has his hands full of pie would ultimately end up with a very painful and undesirable affect. That being falling to the floor in a heavy dog pile.  
  
*WHUMP!*  
  
"Itetetete! Okay, I give up! Get off of me!" Laughing, Touma playfully cuffed Xiu away with Jun hanging on his arm while Byakuen covered his cheek with sloppy tiger kisses. Standing somewhat painfully he shook his left leg where Ryou had nearly cut off the circulation. "Jeez, nice to see you all missed me!"  
  
"When did you get back?"  
  
"How was things in America?"  
  
"Why haven't you been writing you ungrateful jerk?"  
  
"Atama no kawaii! I'm glad you didn't dye it again, Touma-kun!"  
  
"Yeah, that blue was way too glaring."  
  
"How long did Seiji-oniisan know you'd be coming?"  
  
The sudden barrage of questions halted on Touma as Ryou, Nasuti and Xiu turned to the blonde with contemplative and slightly vindictive looks on their face.  
  
"Yes," Ryou drawled lowly, "how long did Seiji-oniisan know and not tell us?"  
  
Seiji, caught totally off-guard by the sudden turn of tides, stood blinking stupidly at the trio. When his brain came back from lay-away he held up his hands in surrender, a bead of sweat on his forehead. "Oi, oi, he's the one that told me to keep it a secret! He wanted to surprise you all!"  
  
"Shin wa doko ni imasu ka?"  
  
The question halted everyone as they looked at Touma who was standing quietly by the stove; the curious innocence on his face could give Jun a run for his money. The four residences shifted uncomfortably; Seiji wasn't too sure what was going on but he had a pretty clear idea and didn't want to be the one to tell Touma. Though he had a tendency of dealing with things in an aloft, intelligent and almost cold manner when it came to something deeply personal Touma's mood swings were erratically unpredictable at best.  
  
"O-oi, Touma. Ore." Xiu stuttered. It would have been a lot easier to say in Chinese he was sure. Some genius, he didn't even bother to learn simple Mandarin. Finally he decided to bite the bullet and say it in his usual, straight forward, hyper-active-elephant-troupe-with-a-porcelain-doll way. "I don't think you should see Shin."  
  
"Doshite?"  
  
"Ah." Kami-sama, this is going to hurt. "He doesn't want to see you anymore. Gomen, Touma."  
  
Silence reigned over the kitchen; Nasuti brought Jun and Byakuen out of the area while the three boys braced themselves for whatever tantrum their companion was prepared to throw. Instead there came a short, sharp, cold bark of laughter. The three jerked in surprise at the response. Thought he looked his usual calm self, Touma's eyes failed to hide the emotional turmoil inside, the midnight blue orbs seemed slightly glassy as well.  
  
"Nice one, Xiu. Almost had me there for a second." He forced a smile on his thin face, an almost bitter, disbelieving smile. "You can't fool me, I know he's around here somewhere. You all just want me to use my 'powers of deduction' to find where, ne? To see if the Tensai still got it." His mask was beginning to slip; he could feel it as clearly as the others could see. "Ja." And he walked out.  
  
Xiu was the first to react to Touma's sudden disappearance. "Ah, Touma-"  
  
But Seiji's sharp voice stopped him cold. "Dame da."  
  
"Eh? Nani?"  
  
"Don't worry about it, Xiu." Ryou said in an objective voice. Though he spoke to the sturdy boy his eyes bore into Seiji's. "The tension between the two has mounted too great. If we stop him now the stress will only be directed at us and it'll only get worse when he faces Shin. They need the confrontation or this. incompleteness we all feel will never go away."  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Touma snorted in irritation as he shoved his way through the foliage biting his bared arms and pulling at the hood bouncing on his shoulders. Outside he had his usual cool, if not a slightly more peeved, mask in place yet inside he seethed, heart trembling with outrage and fear and overflowing sorrow.  
  
What if he's right? What if Shin really doesn't want to see me anymore?  
  
No, that's not true. Xiu's an idiot, what does he know?  
  
Onegai. don't hate me, I couldn't stand it if you hate me.  
  
How could he just say that? How DARE he say that? Kisama.  
  
Uso, uso, it can't be true. It can't.  
  
Shin, don't let this be true. Let me make it up to you.  
  
What if I can't?  
  
He said they wouldn't hate me. He PROMISED!  
  
He lied to me.  
  
His long, swift strides came to a sudden stop, fists clenched so tightly the knuckles popped. That one thought kept flowing through his mind like an unstoppable mantra. He lied to me. He lied. He lied. Tears began to well in his eyes. "Kuso, I can't cry. Not now, he wouldn't. he couldn't have. Shin can't lie." His voice caught. "It's a mistake, that's all. Xiu was mistaken, Shin couldn't possibly have said that." With renewed determination Touma marched towards the lake.  
  
He burst through the underbrush in an explosion of leaves. The person perched next to the willow that swept out into the mirror-glass lake started and nearly jumped to his feet. Shin's eyes widened as he took in Touma's sudden entrance, breathy panting and lightly flushed face. His hands trembled where they held the charcoal pencil and sketchpad tightly.  
  
"Shin." a soft, weary smile lightened Touma's face. "I knew I'd find you here."  
  
The other stood quickly; face lined with unbelievable measures of pain and hate. "What are you doing here? Why did you come back?"  
  
"Nani? I came back for you." He said. "I wanted to see you again."  
  
"You wanted." The pencil cracked in three under the pressure of Shin's fist. "That's all it's ever about, isn't it? Well what about what others want!? How many more people did you hurt when you left?? Just so you could come back and hurt us all over again!"  
  
He couldn't believe what he was hearing and from who. "Shin." But the older man wouldn't hear it and ran off, charging back into the house at full speed. "Shin!" Touma sprinted after him.  
  
In the living, Ryou was startled when the back door suddenly flew open and nearly smacked him in the face while Shin, in his hurry to get away, almost knocked a tray of tea out of Jun's hands. The other three all stood in surprise as Touma ran in a moment later.  
  
"Shin, matte, kudasai!" He pleaded as the other headed for the stairs. "Chotto!" Touma dove for Shin's wrist. "I only want to-"  
  
His other hand cracked against Touma's jaw, the force of the blow knocking him against the wall. The latter slowly raised a hand against his cheek, the red welt painful and bright. Wide, dark eyes lifted to see Shin standing mercilessly and powerful above him, thick rivers of tears lining his thin cheeks.  
  
"Leave me alone, Touma. I don't want to see you, I don't want to talk to you." He trembled with fury and tears. "I don't care what you want. I've always gone out of my way to care for you but now. Now I'm through with you."  
  
"You can't-"  
  
"It's over!" He screamed, red faced and raging under the full control of emotions. "I HATE you Touma! When you left, you didn't contact us. you left me alone. it hurt so much. I hate you! I don't ever want to see you again!" With that said, Shin spun on his heel and burst into his room, slamming and locking the door tightly behind him.  
  
The house creaked eerily in the broken silence and Touma still knelt on the stairs, lashes hiding his wet eyes and curling over the mark shaping into the vague outline of an open hand. Ryou stepped forward and placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. But Touma stood up and shrugged the compassionate touch off.  
  
"I'm going to go to bed. I hope I don't seem rude, but I'm feeling a little tired." He said curtly, but his voice was empty and cold, just like when he just joined the Troopers. The remainder made Seiji shiver faintly. "Oyasumi nasai."  
  
"Oyasumi, Touma." Nasuti said quietly, the others nodded but went unheeded as Touma worked his way to his old room. The five stood in silence, not sure of what to do, what to say or what to think. Slowly Nasuti clutched her hands to her chest in a silent prayer and whispered to herself. "They love each other so much they don't want to cause the other any pain, but distancing themselves from the other only hurts them worse. I had always hoped that something would cause them to see that they need to admit to these feelings."  
  
She couldn't finish but the boys knew. It may already be too late to heal the damage.  
  
~*~*~*~  
  
Midnight and Touma was still wide awake, sprawled on his back and embraced by the soft, light covers and silver moonlight that pooled on the bed. The scenes from earlier played in his head, over and over, ripping at his heart with each moment Shin's tear filled eyes filled his thoughts, with every hateful word that was said.  
  
But he said that they wouldn't be angry with me. How could he have lied to me? Shin never lies! His brow furrowed over the dampness trickling down his cheeks. I have to talk to him. I must apologize. I can't live knowing that he hates me. What ever happens, I can't leave with him feeling like this.  
  
Slowly Touma stood, clad in the loose jeans from earlier that day, a thin tank top he wore under his oversized sports jersey. Slipping bare feet into the house slippers he padded out into the wraparound balcony that lined the rear of the house, connecting all the second-floor rooms but stopped before it rounded the corner. He frowned; Shin's room was in said corner, the porch door locked and all the curtains drawn so no light would be able to penetrate the still darkness inside.  
  
Not yet beaten, the dark haired young man draped his legs over the side of the railing and carefully inched a hand around the edge of the house. There was a large picture window that overlooked the forest and an inlet of the lake, the small platform that jutted out from under the window- very weak and unsafe-wasn't more than three and a half feet wide and wouldn't be able to hold more than two people at a time. Touma prayed that the window wouldn't be locked or he'd be spending all night outside in the rickety old thing.  
  
Lady Luck decided to smile on him for the first time today as the glass silently slid upward and the young man slipped into the room. Creeping quietly around, Touma reached for several curtains and gently pried them apart, letting the silvery light dimly illuminate the dark room. When he deemed the light to sufficient enough he turned to look at the chamber and gasped silently in surprise.  
  
Pinned to the wall, some in frames, some not, and piled haphazardly on the desk were several dozens of Shin's sketches, others painted lightly in a variety of mediums. To see such talented artwork wasn't surprising, but what some of them were about was rather flattering to say the least. Amidst the land and seascapes and quick jots of people hurrying on their way and still life were painfully accurate portraits of him, Touma.  
  
Attached to some of the unfinished works were photos of the once blue- haired youngster, reading, sleeping (quite a bit of those two), laughing, working out, crouching down as he hunted wild game, leaning against a tree to doze off while fishing, eating, horsing around with the others. And each photo had a larger etching nearby, where only Touma was the center of attention. Others managed to move and change his positions and facial features so he would be deep in thought and looking into the night sky, lounging in front of the fireplace or smiling pleasantly to whomever was looking at the picture. And others, still, took it further were Shin himself were in the drawings. They'd be sitting side by side, discussing a book, leaning upon each other as they napped, Touma trying to snag a piece of food from Shin as he worked in the kitchen, one wrapping the other in a loose hug.  
  
Slender fingers reached out to a painting still sitting on a small easel, so close Touma could almost feel the oils beneath the tips. Against a backdrop of stars on a brilliant night, moon glowing and heavy above the gentle crashing of waves stood the two in a sweet, soul-binding kiss.  
  
How could this be right? So many beautiful pictures of him, of them, and yet that scene still had to be played out. Touma raised a hand to his swollen cheek, wincing slightly, as it was still too painful to clench his jaw. Tearing his eyes away from the walls and easel he saw Shin sleeping fitfully in his soft bed.  
  
Slowly, fearfully, Touma placed a hand, slightly trembling, on the brow of the other, just light butterfly touches that brushed away feathery bangs. Almost immediately Shin stilled his rough movements and quiet noises.  
  
"Looks like you've been having a tough day, Shin." Touma said softly. "I'd rather you be awake to hear this but. I'd feel bad having to ask more of you. It seems you had a hard time going to sleep anyway, I don't want you to go through it again." Touma shook his head angrily. "There I go again, talking about what I want. Kuso, why can't I stop being selfish?"  
  
He kneeled at the edge of Shin's bed, rocking back on his heels as tears lined his eyes once more. "That's why you hate me. Because the only person I ever think about is me, the only thing I care about is whatever would make me happy." his chin quivered. "But I'm not happy, for the past three years something deep inside of me was missing. I wanted to find it so badly, without it I felt as if I was only half living. I didn't know what it was, only that no matter what I did, it wouldn't go away and I knew that I didn't always feel like that. Then I realized that what I was missing was you guys. It was a mistake to move away and I realize that now." He shook his head. "If there was anything I could do to take that decision back, I would in an instant. I would do anything to make you happy again. After I made you cry. God, I'd rather die than make you upset with me.  
  
"I don't know how to put this correctly. Speaking what's in my heart is a pretty daunting task. I wish I had Seiji's elegant speech right now." Touma thought aloud with a weary grin. It soon faded as he placed his chin on the cradle of his arms, memorizing the shape of Shin's sleeping profile. "I just came to apologize for hurting you. I deserve whatever you give me and more, I should never be forgiven for hurting such a kind, beautiful soul like you. I know an apology isn't going to make it better, but I'm so sorry. If there was anyway I could make it up to you I would do it in an instant, no matter what. I would rather the whole world hate me, just as long as you didn't." His eyes softened and glistened with tears. "I can't stand it that you hate me so and every time I remember the pain caused you I hate myself more and more. Onegai Shin. gomen nasai. I care about you so much I. I would almost dare call it love." Touma smiled through his tears and buried his head further in his arms. "I'm almost certain. I love you Shin, with all my heart, with all my being. I can't live with you hating me, with being so far from you. Onegai, Shin. give me a reason to stay. I don't want to go back, but I will if you want me to. I'll understand and I won't bother you anymore. I promise. but give me a reason to stay, onegai shimasu."  
  
"Gomen, Touma."  
  
He jerked up in surprise when the soft touch of a hand rested against the top of his head. His breath left him when Touma's eyes locked tightly with Shin's, the color of gentle teal.  
  
"You. you heard?"  
  
"Most of it, I think." He replied with a soft smile, the rims of his eyes reflected red and were swollen from the tears he had shed earlier. "I felt something warm and lonely next to me, and when I reached for it, it made my head spin and I was dizzy, overwhelmed by emotions. I knew it was you, it had to be. You're the only one that's ever made me feel that way." Shin's hand moved from the top of Touma's head, running through the silken strands and moved to caress the soft velvet of his cheek. "I'm sorry I was so awful earlier, I should have been happy that you came back, but I lost control." He frowned. "That's not right. No, something took control, it made me hurt you." A finger hovered over the bruising welt, afraid to touch it. "I'm so sorry, I'm the one that doesn't deserve to be forgiven for striking you like that."  
  
Confusion reflected in dark eyes. "So you didn't mean it?"  
  
"In a way I did. But," he quickly placed a finger over Touma's lips to quiet him, "I don't hate you, but I wanted to. You left me alone, you were the only one who understood what it was like to have to hide behind a smile all the time. Seiji had Ryou to seek comfort in and Xiu and Ryou could lose control without anyone having second thoughts. But I always had to cheer everyone up and having you here helped me be strong, too. Because I knew that there would always be someone that I could turn to for help and stability. But you left," he said softly, reflectively, "and I hated you for it. I hated me for encouraging you to do so, saying everything would be all right when it was ripping me apart inside. It just all came out on you because it's easier to hurt someone else than it is to hurt yourself. But when I saw your eyes, the hurt you felt pained me, too. And I can never forgive myself for what I did."  
  
"So how come you didn't return any of my letters, Shin?"  
  
"Because it easier to pretend that you were somewhere else, closer. Maybe at Seiji's college instead of so far away. I would always think that every time Seiji would come down, you would be with him and then we could talk like we always. But every time he came, it was alone and a little piece of me would die." Shin turned away. "Gomen, Touma. I'm nothing but a frightened coward, looking for excuses to keep from admitting blame."  
  
He was surprised to feel strongly lean arms wrap him in a protective hug. "You're not the only one." Touma whispered in Shin's ear, his voice hovering and ringing warmly, softly, seductively around his head. "But I still love you the same."  
  
When Shin shifted back to face the other, the stars filled his eyes with tears of joy. "I love you, too, Touma. With all my heart."  
  
He scooted back on his bed and pulled Touma under the covers, gently pressing their lips together with an intensity that left both breathless. Touma pulled back with a shaky sigh, imagining that he could taste Shin's soul in that simple, binding kiss. He opened his blue eyes and gave the other a heart melting smile before nuzzling his head against the brunette's chest.  
  
"Touma."  
  
"Hai?"  
  
"I want to be the reason for you to stay. Onegai."  
  
"Forever, Shin. I promise. Tadaima, Shin-chan."  
  
Shin smiled and closed his eyes, kissing softly Touma's forehead and whispered before falling into a peaceful slumber. "Okaeri, Touma-kun."  
  
Owari!  
  
Touma: Finally!  
  
Virgo: Oh hush! You're lucky I even got around to doing this! I have a ton of other stuff to do, ya know!  
  
Shin: Thank you, Virgo-kun! You're too kind to Touma-kun and I. *sparkle*  
  
Virgo: *melts* Aww. anything for Shin-chan!  
  
Touma: Oi! I'm the only one allowed to call him that!  
  
Virgo: Don't be jealous! *biidah!*  
  
Touma: I'm not jealous! And don't stick your tongue out at me!  
  
Virgo: Don't tell me what to do, Kid!  
  
Touma: Ha! I'm older than you are, show some respect!  
  
Virgo: Not in the show you aren't, old man. And you should show some respect; I make you look cool!  
  
Touma: I'm cool with or without your help, so there! *biidah!*  
  
Virgo: Oh yeah? *biidah!*  
  
Touma: *biidah!*  
  
Virgo: *biidah!*  
  
Shin: *sweat drop*  
  
All comments and the like are to be sent to LadyVirgo@hotmail.com and I'm looking forward to the letters! Thank you!  
  
~Virgo 


End file.
